What kids think about love
KIDS: AND THE ORIGINS OF LOVE
CONCERNING THE ORIGINS OF LOVE
"Cupid kissed God and that got the ball rollin'."
Julio, age 9
"One of the Greek lady gods got a crush on one of the Greek man gods.
he tried to hit her with lightning and thunderbolts, but he just
couldn't get her away from him ... After a while, they became the
first married gods.
Robbie, age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has
freckles too."
Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do
with how you smell ...That's why perfume and deodorant are so
popular.
Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but
the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age 8
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age 9
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't
want to do it. It takes too long."
Glenn, age 7
ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your
family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
Anita C., age 8
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like
anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
Brian, age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
Christine, age 9
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is
pretty good too."
Greg, age 8
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their
tails nearly as much."
Arnold, age 10
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and
they don't get up for at least an hour."
Wendy, age 8
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit
together in the dark."
Sherm, age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid
good money for them."
Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the
aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
John, age 9
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs'
is on television."
Jill, age 6
"Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime."
Floyd, age 9
"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place ... We were behind a
tree."
Carey, age 7
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I've
been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep
finding me."
Dave, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard
enough."
Regina, age 10
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"Sensitivity don't hurt."
Robbie, age 8
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you
have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
Ava, age 8
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for the best."
Camille, age 9
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't
worry if their parents are right there."
Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something
she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
Bart, age 9
Horrible Deaths in Heaven
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell
the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've
been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible
deaths.So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has
been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her
red-handed.As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell
something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where
this other guy could have been hiding.Finally, I went out to the
balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing,
25 floors above ground!By now I was really mad, so I started beating
on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off.
So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting
hammering on his fingers.Of course, he couldn't stand that for long,
so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the
bushes, stunned but okay.I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into
the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it
landed on him, killing him instantly.But all the stress and anger got
to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man
in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being
full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day.You see, I live on the 26th floor of
my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my
balcony.Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because
I fell over the edge.But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the
balcony on the floor below me.I knew I couldn't hang on for very
long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony.I thought
for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me.I
held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a
hammer and started pounding on my hands.Finally I just let go, but
again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all
right.Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this
refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly,
and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty
horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole
process was repeated.Peter explained that heaven was full and asked
for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a
refrigerator..."
Signs in the USA (mostly)
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant
"Now serving live lobsters"
On the menu of a restaurant
"Blackened bluefish"
In a Maine restaurant
"Open seven days a week and weekends."
In a New Jersey restaurant
"Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the walls of a Baltimore estate
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
-- Sisters of Mercy"
On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store
"Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
In a New York drugstore
"We dispense with accuracy."
In a New York medical building
"Mental Health Prevention Center"
On a New York convalescent home
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church"
In a funeral parlor
"Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
Outside a country shop
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store
"15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!"
In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers
"Parking for birds only."
In the vestry of a New England church
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is
extinguished"
In a laundry room
"Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage."
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago
"Do not activate with wet hands."
In a New Hampshire jewelry store
"Ears pierced while you wait."
In a New York restaurant
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."
A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin
"Crap - .79/lb."
In a Florida maternity ward
"No children allowed."
In the offices of a loan company
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."
At a number of US military bases
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards
"Now available in multi-packs"
In the window of an Oregon general store
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
In a Pennsylvania cemetary
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves."
On the grounds of a private school
"No trespassing without permission."
In a library
"Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away."
On a Tennessee highway
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
In front of a New Hampshire car wash
"If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."
On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon
"Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help."
A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from
the Transbay bus terminal
"Terminal Drugs"
From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell
a crew member."
On a delicatessen wall
"Our best is none too good"
On a roller caoster
"Watch your head"
On a Maine shop
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship."
In downtown Boston
"Callahan Tunnel / No end."
A sign on a front yard in York, Maine
"Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day and Night."
