TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....
0 comments Posted by Saurabh Tank at 10:55 AM10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns
9. Wind Beneath My Vestments
8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)
7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe
6. Exactly Like A Virgin
5. Sistine Candles
4. Take This Job And Read It
3. Gettin' Popey Wit It
2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me
1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical
10. Husseinfeld
9. Mad About Everything
8. Allah McBeal
7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror
6. Achmed's Creek
5. The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right
4. Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest
3. The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
2. Buffy the Slayer of American Imperialist Dogs
1. Suddenly Sanctions
10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...
0 comments Posted by Saurabh Tank at 10:53 AM10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
1. Please don't talk to my breasts. You won't be meeting them.
2. If you want to control someone, sleep with your remote.
3. I always choose chocolate over men. ALWAYS
4. 51% love goddess...49% bitch. Care to push your luck?
5. My sexual preference is NO
6. My body is my temple, now get on your knees and pray.
7. It's not the size that counts, it's...no, wait, size does count.
8. Remember men, girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice.
9. Men are like hardwood floors, lay them right the first time and you
can walk all over them forever.
10. Save your breath for you inflatable date.
10. You can usually find someone to do it with.
9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.
8. You can finish early with-out feelings of guilt or shame.
7. When you open a book, you don't have to worry about who else has opened it.
6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
5. If you don't finish a chapter you won't gain a reputation as a "book teaser."
4. You can do it, eat and watch TV all at the same time.
3. You don't get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.
2. You don't have to put your beer down to do it.
1. If you aren't sure what you're doing, you can always ask your roommate for help!
10. Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk.
9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.
8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"
7. Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional.
6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.
5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory.
4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.
3. Offer your "services" to all guests.
2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.
1. Insist on a pants-free environment.
Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents...
0 comments Posted by Saurabh Tank at 10:50 AM10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.
9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.
8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.
5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.
4. Can you believe it! Those shit heads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
